माकुने र सुजाता

एकजाना अल्छि नेताले शुत्नजाँदा पि ए लाई भनेछ : "आज को समाचार राम्रोसँग सुनेर मलाई भोलिबीहान भन है !"
पि ए: "हुन्छ सर "
समाचार आएछ : "आज माधब नेपाल ले शुजाता कोईरालाइ भन्नुभयो .... (अचानक बत्ति कट्छ र आधा धन्टा पछि बत्ति आउदा) सागर सरि चोखोमाया तिमिलाई दिउला.....!"
भोलि बीहान, नेता: "ए! पि ए ! हिजोको समाचार मा के भन्यो हँ ??"
पि ए: "माधव नेपाल ले शुजाता लाई भन्नुभयो सागर सरि चोखोमाया तिमिलाई दिउँला !!!"

मुसाको मुर्ती

एउटा नेपाली बिदेशमा घुम्न गएछ , अनि त्यहाँ एउटा मुसाको मुर्ति देखेछ। उसलाई त्यो मुर्ति सारै मनपरेछ अनि पसलेलाई त्यो मुर्तिको भाउ सोधेछ.

पसले: मुर्तिको $ ५० अनि कथा सहित $ १००

नेपाली: मलाई कथा सुन्नु छैन मुर्ति मात्रै दिनुहोस !

त्यसपछी मुर्ति मात्रै किनेर हिडेछ, हिड्दै जादा उसको पछाडी अरु जिउदै मुसाहरुले पिछा गरेछन ,
उसलाई अच्चम्म लागेछ अनि फटाफट भागेछ, उ जति धेरै हिडेउ पछाडी फर्केर हेर्दा उतिनै धेरै मुसाहरुले पछि गरेछन अनि उ खोलाको छेउमा पुगेर त्यो मुर्तिलाई खोलामा फालेछ । अरु सबै मुसाहरु पनि त्यो मुर्ति संगै खोलामा हाम्फालेछन । त्यसपछी उ फर्केर पसलेकोमा गएछ ।

पसले: तपाई कथा सुन्न आउनु भएको हो अब कथाको $५० दिनुहोस अनि मात्रै कथा भन्छु |

नेपाली: म कथा सुन्न आको होइन, बरु तपाईसंग नेपालको कुनै नेताको मुर्ति छ कि भनेर सोध्न आको, छ भने मलाई दिनुस त !

Who runs the Nepalese government?

In a gathering of people from different countries, everyone was bluffing about their countries' progress.
USA: Our dogs play football....
Japan: Our fishes can dance...
Arab: Our camels drive cars...
China: Our pandas ride bicycles...
.
.
Nepal: Hmmnn... That is nothing, In our country, donkeys run the goverment!!

Nepali politicians funny short jokes

new nepali jokes

Police and a beggar

One day a beggar collected a lot of money from the day. He collected Rs. 200 which is much more than any other day.

He decided to have a royal dinner for the first time in his life. So, he went to a 5-star restaurant and enjoyed his dinner.

The manager handed him a bill of Rs. 3000. Without any fear, the beggar told the manager that he had no money. The manager was annoyed and called the police. He was handed to the police.

The beggar gave Rs. 200/- to the policeman and set himself free.
Lau hernus ta Nepali police !!
short funny nepali and english jokes

हाम्रो नेताहरूको नाम

हाम्रो नेताहरूको नाम बिदेशमा भए यस्तो हुन्थ्यो होला !!
जापानमा भए :- हुतिहारा नेतामोरा
रस्सियामा भए :- अतिचुस्की बुद्धिफुस्की
चीनमा भए :- घुस लि
अमेरिकामा भए :- बाँदरसन् मेट
श्रीलंकामा भए : जनतामारा गुन्डानाईके !
साभार: Saroj Lamichhane

जागिरको अन्तरवार्ता

एउटा मान्छे जागिरको लागि अन्तरवार्ता दिन गएछ तर उसलाइ केहिपनि आउदैन रैछ र उसले भर्खरै अन्तरवार्ता दिएर बाहिर निस्केको मान्छेलाइ के के सोधयो भनेर सोधेछ

उसले भनेछ

१)नेपालको प्र म को हुन?
उत्तर: झलनाथ खनाल

२) नेपालमा प्रजात्रन्त कहिले आएको थियो?
उत्तर: पहिले २००७, अनि २०४७ मा ; फेरी २०६३ मा पनी

३)मंगल ग्रहमा मान्छे छन् ?
उत्तर: बैग्यानिक (साइन्टिस्टहरु) तेसै भन्छन, अनुसनधान भै रहेको छ !

त्यो मान्छे प्रश्नलाइ ध्यान नदिइ उत्तर कण्ठ पार्न थालेछ। जब उसको पालो आयो उ गएछ र उसलाइ प्रश्न सोधिएछ:

१)तपाइको नाम?
झलनाथ खनाल

२)हो र कहिले जन्मनु भो?
पहिले २००७, अनि २०४७ मा ; फेरी २०६३ मा पनी

३)तपाइ पागल होकि के हो?
बैग्यानिक (साइन्टिस्टहरु) तेसै भन्छन, अनुसनधान भै रहेको छ !

funny nepali jokes

चोर अनी नेता

आमसभामा भैरहेको थियो, त्यत्तिकैमा एउटा मान्छे स्टेजमा पुगेर नेताको माइक खोसेर करायो:  "सबै नेताहरु चोर हुन" ।
भीडबाट अर्को मान्छे करायो: "ओइ हाम्रो बदनाम गर्छस?"
पहिलो मान्छे बोल्यो: "के तँ पनि नेता होस्?"
दोस्रो मान्छेले जवाफ दियो: "होइन बेबकूफ, म त चोर हूँ, नेताहरु चोर हुन भनेर चोरहरुको बदनाम गर्छस?"

Jhalanath Khanal is as smart as George Bush

जनताको खुसि

एकपटक रामचन्द्र, केपी ओलि र प्रचण्ड हवाइजहाजमा सँगै यात्रा गर्दै रहेछन्।
रामचन्द्र : यदि मैले यहाँ बाट १००० को १ नोट फालेँ भने १ जना नेपाली खुसि हुन्छ।
केपी ओलि: यदि मैले यहाँ बाट १०० को १० नोट फालेँ भने १० जना नेपाली खुसि हुन्छन्।
प्रचण्ड : यदि मैले यहाँ बाट १० को १०० वटा नोट फालेँ भने १०० जना नेपाली काम्रेड हुन्छन्।
यत्तिकैमा पाइलट: यदि मैले तिमिहरू ३ जनालाई एकै पटक यहाँ बाट फालिदिएँ भने ३ करोड नेपाली खुसि हुन्छन् ।

Nepali Politicians Joke

Ramchandra, KP Oli & Prachanda are cruising in an aeroplane.

Ramchandra : "If I drop this 1000 rupees note, 1 Nepali will be happy"

KP Oli: "If I drop 10 notes of 100 rupees, 10 Nepali people will be happy."

Prachanda added:"If I drop 100 notes of 10 rupees, 100 Nepali comrades will be happy."

At that time the pilot commented : "If I drop u three bastards, all 3 Crore Nepalese will be happy"

सरकारसँग कम्पिटिसन

जेलर : तँ किन जेल आउनु परेको ?
चोर :  सरकारसँग कम्पिटिसन भको थियो तेसैले ।
जेलर : कस्तो कम्पिटिसन ?
चोर : नोट छाप्ने कम्पिटिसन ।

Bush Joke

Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4  parachutes.

Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die". So she took one and jumped.

Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped.

Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped.

The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die".
The boy said "Why? We can both jump."
"How is that?" said the monk.
The boy replies, "Because the smartest Bush took my umbrella and jumped !!!"

HA! HA! HA!

PM MaKuNe jokes

MAdhav KUmar NEpal Jokes 

* Once Makune was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told
  Guard: WAIT SIR
  Makune: 65Kgs
and moved on...

* Once Makune wanted to know the time difference between Nepal and USA. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Could you tell me the time difference between Kathmandu and Washington DC...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Makune immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

* Makune family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"

* At a bar in New York, the man to Makune's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Makune and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Makune replies: "MADHAV KUMAR , MARRIED."

* Madhav Kumar Nepal was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Nepal. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Kathmandu and he stated, "Kathmandu is an excellent city, Give us three years and we will turn it into a world-class megacity like Tokyo". Makune was very surprised. "You Japanese are very slow," he stated "Give me just three days and I will turn whole Japan into Kathmandu... just three days"

* A reporter asked Makune "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"


* Makune returns from Copenhagen tour. As he completes his press conference and is about to leave, he goes, "I would like to thank the president of Denmark from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom too".

Nepali Cartoons Collection